Let's start out with the name. The 'Jazz'. What the hell is up with that? What is a 'jazz'? I've sure as heck never seen one. Have any of you? I'd didn't think so. So, what's their mascot? A 'jazz'? I rather doubt it. They probably don't even have a mascot because they can't afford it. Or maybe they do have a guy hired to be a mascot but he can't figure out what he's supposed to wear because he doesn't know what a 'jazz' is either. I can't say I blame the guy. Even if their was a costume for him to wear, I'm sure it would be some gay looking thing anyway. Ok, let's take a look at the players:
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Texas-El Paso...1990 |
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Just a word on the players. Ok, did you notice that 7 people on this team have 4 letters in their first name? Pretty weird ay? And their are 2 guys named Greg. Wow! I'm thinking the owner of the Jazz has a fetish for guys with 4-letter names and especially guys named Greg. Here's another weird fact. The team has 6 blacks guys and 6 white guys. Half and half. Again, the management is too worried about being non-racist than being concerned about the team's record. Here's another. If you add up all the players numbers, it equals 290. And if you add all their ages up it equals 360. This means both numbers are divisible by 2, 5 & 10 and if you add that up it equals 17 which if taken times 290 and 360 equals 1,774,800 which if divided by 3 equals 591,600. Then, 591,600 divided by 3 again is 197,200. So, divide this by 100 and you get 1972 which is the year that Howard Eisley was born. So, this means he is an ineligible player and should have to quit immediately.
Hello. My name is Jerry
Sloan and I like peaches.
I mean, don't
you just love the way a peach tastes when you take a big huge bite
out of that baby. Man, just makes me wanna yell. So, let me tell you
a little about myself. Ok, I'm 6'5" (in high-heels. Shhhhhh, don't
tell!) I was born in 1942 in Germany. I was a product of a German
soldier named Lars and an English woman named Gertrude who had a wild
night of passion. I was left orphaned in the forest where I had to
raise myself on grass and tree bark until I was 7. I remember the day
still. A lovely lady found me in a river bathing myself. She then
took me with her. I lived with this lady for a half hour and then she
brought me back to the jungle to live in harmony with mother nature
again. So, there I was. Living in the rain forest, until I was 39. I
then found a city called Warsaw in Poland. Turned out it was the
capital city. Since I was dirty and naked, people thought I was a
long lost Jew who had escaped from a concentration camp. Someone let
an old German soldier know and I ended up getting a public beating
for no reason. After the beating, I was thrown in prison for about 15
years. On the day I got out, I ran all the way to France. Yes, I ran.
I hopped on a boat in a port city in France which took me to New York
City. It was great to see the Statue of Libearty. I jumped off the
boat, swam to it, and started kicking it until I was arrested. I was
then taken to a jail in Manhatten. Strangely enough, the jail grew
too full. This is when I was transferred to a prison near the city of
Salt Lake City, Utah. I spent a few years in this prison until one
day a large black man was walking through the halls and looking in
the cells. He looked in my cell, yelled to the guard, and took me
away with him. Turns out he was the owner of the Utah Jazz (a local
basketball team). They needed a coach and he said I was the man. And,
here I am now. I hope you enjoyed hearing my life story as much as I
enjoyed telling it.
Sincerely,
Jerry Sloan a.k.a. 'Jungle Jerry'
In Conclusion...
People, people. Let's get serious here, huh? I mean, come on. These guys are old, out-of-shape, overweight, wimpy, old, old guys and their coach was raised by wild wolves. I mean, come on. Can anyone be a fan of these guys. I think not. So, anyone out there who is a fan of this team or any of its players, please, reconsider your decision. Don't follow them. Don't buy tickets. We can do this. All of us, together. If enough of us convert over to non-Jazz fans and quit going to Jazz games, the team will surely go broke. We must all join together to fight this cause. Let's do it. Please. For the sake of our children.
Thank you for your time.